The Art of Being Alone: The gift of sitting with yourself and utilising sacred silence.

sitting with yourself and sacred silence

We live in such a fast-paced world, and most of us live our lives in an urban environment with little time to ourselves to truly "switch off". Many of us wake up, go to work, flick through our phones compulsively, come home and grab a glass of wine/beer or engage in whatever activity gives us a moment of relief from our hectic lifestyles - then go to sleep and repeat the cycle all over again.

The problem here is that we've become so disconnected from our divine essence, to the point where we aren't even able to meet our needs ourselves… Instead we need to be constantly distracted or engaged in something to take our minds off things. We need to be around others because we do not feel enough as an individual in our own company. We are forever seeking from the external rather than looking within.

We are also terrified of being alone (and I'm talking about alone in the sense of putting our phone down for one second and forging a connection with ourselves). The sound of silence is also equally terrifying… Why? Because this means that we need to be with ourselves - even when we do not feel so good. And to some people this is torture!

Get in touch with ourselves?? Go into the stuff that we've buried so deeply within?? You may be saying "No thanks" … Very few are ready to go within and 'just be' with themselves without any conditions, but you can begin by taking little steps! This reduces the mountain down to a molehill, rather than thinking you have to go from 0-100mph straight away.

By creating sacred silence and space in order to feel and reflect, we can bring balance and harmony into our lives and start to enjoy being alone. Building a relationship with ourselves to then go out and connect with others from a place of abundance and connection rather than desperation or loneliness.

If any of the above resonates, you can read on to discover the detail about how I myself practise shutting off from the outside world and other distractions to create space and silence.

Here is my 10-part process I follow for at least 20 minutes:

1. I begin by finding a comfortable and quiet place where I won't be disturbed (sat upright in a chair, laying down, or in a cross legged position with the spine straight and head tilted slightly downwards).

2. It is better to close the eyes, but when first trying this out I experimented with eyes open (though I find closing eyes helps remove any external distractions).

3. Next, I get used to the feeling of being with myself without any distraction or anyone else around, noticing any bodily sensations or thoughts coming up.

4. I become aware of my breathing… breathing in and out as deeply and slowly as I can. If I start to become distressed or find that a lot is coming up.. I know I can just breathe into those places and just validate those emotions - "it is perfectly OK to feel angry right now.." or "I am feeling scared for a valid reason" - the subconscious mind really wants to feel safe and cared for.

5. I also tell myself comforting words like "I am enough" or "I am powerful" and so on - whatever helps in that moment. There is no right or wrong way to do this process!

6. Then I go on to remind myself that I are completely present by saying "I am completely here for you right now" - this again reassures the subconscious that I am not going to abandon myself just because things feel uncomfortable or upsetting.

7. Then I ask myself "what is it I need in this moment?" or "what needs of mine are not being met?".

8. I try to stay with my breath for the duration of this exercise, allowing any thoughts or bodily sensations that arise to come, and just validate them like validating emotions. Letting myself cry, or scream or laugh etc if I need (whatever feels right in the moment).

9. Be the observer I say to myself, remembering that I am not my thoughts. Holding the deeper knowing that my thoughts often reflect the younger, hurt aspect of myself that can be hyper-critical, judgemental and downright cruel towards my own situation.

10. When I feel ready that I have integrated and sat with as much as I can, I end this exercise and bring my awareness back into the room.

The above exercse highlights to process one can undertake to become more grounded and centered, bringing awareness to personal needs and triggers. By practising sitting with yourself, validating your emotions, and observing bodily sensations, it will get easier to bring awareness to what you need on a daily basis. This practise also really helps to get in touch with emotions and not to feel shame for the emotions that are coming up.

This exercise could be a great starting point, since we as humans are so go go go, and constantly distracting ourselves, so the default setting is to run away... When we are completely unconditionally present, we are able to comfort ourselves and feel empowered and in control. Eventually you will see that being alone with yourself, or in sacred silence is not as scary as you initially thought. You will learn to respond to daily life from a place of love and not fear, coming out of the head and into the body.

By not abandoning ourselves, we make friends with ourselves once more, forging a strong connection to the self that feels safe but also liberating. Unconditional presence is one of the best gifts you can give yourself to live a happier and more wholesome life. From this place of empowerment, there is absolutely nothing to stop you from achieving everything you dreamed of.

Love and blessings and have a fulfilling day.

William.

Partner Tom speding time creating space and silence under a cherry blossom tree in a churchyard in Camden, London.